Kate

Hola Kate,
First of all i am really surprised by how much you wrote.
- in the first paragraph you say, "Creo que esto es que Horacio Quiroga quería mostrar en su cuenta." the "esto" should be "ésto"
- in the second paragraph, "pico el tobillo del hombre." could also be changed to "pico su tobillo," to avoid repetition of "hombre" (Just a suggestion:))
- Also in that same paragraph, "El hombre busco" should be "buscó"
- change "dolió mucho" to "dolía" or "doló". (i am not 100% sure about the latter choice)
- i think "autor" should be "autór"
But anyways, it is well-written. Good Job!!!1

Escrito por Maha 25/11/2006 15:55

Hi Kate!

-In the second paragraph, "pico el tobillo del hombre" should be "picó".
-I agree with Maha about "busco"; it should be "buscó".
-"...cuando rompe mi muñeca tuve mucho miedo porque no supe si mi muñeca era roto o no y dolió mucho. " has some errors. "rompe" should be "me rompí". "era rota" should be "era rota". There's no need to say "o no. It can simply be "era rota pero me dolía mucho." to express the idea that you didn't know whether your wrist was broken or not while expressing that your wrist hurt a lot. It's a bit more clear that way.
-I disagree with Maha. "autor" is correct
-In the first sentence, "para mí" might need to be "a mí". I think it makes it more clear that the story was strange to you, as opposed to for you. Or replace the phrase with "en mi opinión" for added clarity. Or say "El cuento me parece extraño..."
-"con mucho valor para se salvó" should be "... para salvarse" No conjugation after a preposition.
-"En vida actualmente" I'm not sure if you want to say "In the present (current) life", or "In real life" If you want to say current, you've got the right word, just wrong part of speech; it should be "En vida actual". If you want to say real as in real life, it is "En la vida real" or "...vida verdadera".
-"fue un fracaso" and "no es un éxito" are a bit ambiguous because it is not clear what the subject is. This can be cleared up by saying "he failed/did not succeed". Use the verbs "fracasar" or "no tener éxito", and make the subject the man, or the person.
-In the second paragraph, "el hombre piso" should be "el hombre pisó".
-"Después, el hombre sintió enfermo y lucho para su vida porque vivo en una selva donde no hay muchos doctores y hospitales." Try to keep the tense consistent. And put accents over the o in the third person preterite of your -ar verbs. I would do "Después, el hombre sintío enfermo y luchó para su vida porque vivó en una selva donde no había muchos..."
-I've noticed that you don't put the accent over the o on many occasions. To make an ó, just hold Alt and type in "0243".
-"busco" should be "buscó"
-"el diferencia" should be "la diferencia"
-"manejo" should be "manejar", comes after "para" (preposition)
- "movía" should be "mover", comes after "para" (preposition)
- "el decidió" should be "él decidió"
-"para hizo" should be "para hacer"
-"el intento" should be "él ententó"

Over all, remember to use ó for third person preterite conjugations of -ar verbs.

Jason

Escrito por Jason 25/11/2006 22:21

Hey Kate!
-I agree with Jason - "me parece extraño" makes more sense. Instead of "al fines del cuento" i think "al fin" makes more sense...it is el cuento, not la cuenta also. "En vida actualmente hay veces que cosas como esto ocurra" could be "En vida actualmente sucesos semejantes occurren." ...your version was a word-for-word translation and didn't quite fit.
-"El hombre no tuvo medicina o amigos para ayudarse." if you're trying to say 'the man didn't get any medicine...' then this is right, but if you're trying to say 'he didn't HAVE any medicine" it would be tenía because tener changes meaning from imperfect to preterit...be careful of that with 'querer' too, preterit "quiso" means "he tried to" but "quería" means "he wanted"
-"el decidió para sobrevivir." should be "él decidió en sobrevivir"...decidir en is the phrase "to decide to"
muy bien! :)

Escrito por Abby 26/11/2006 18:25

hey kate, nice writting. something I noticed in the first paragraph was when you said "El hombre era muy valiente y quiso vivir" to keep with subject and conjugation agreement you should have said quisó because otherwise it's the yo form of a verb that doesn't exist. Later on when you said " En vida actualmente hay veces que cosas como esto ocurra", if you want to keep your same wording I think it would have worked better if you used 'cuando' instead of 'que'. that way you would be saying "there are times when things like this happen" no "there are times that thinks like this happen". I also noticed in the second paragraph when you used verbs like 'piso' and 'pico' I think you want to conjugate them to say picó and pisó. You did this a few times in the essay. Like in the second paragraph you also said busco and manejo; so you just want to watch out for the correct form of conjugation and don't forget accents to get the right meaning.

overall greay writting and connection to your own life! -Lauren

Escrito por lauren 26/11/2006 20:46

Kate,
A la Deriva por Horacio Quiroga es una cuenta muy extraño para mí pero es interesante también porque admiro el hombre en la historia.
<-- i'm not sure but you could probobly put that in two sentences to flow better.
i saw pico el tobillo and the o in pico should have an accent.
busco should be buscó.
also A La Deriva could be in quotes.

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